Wedding Season

We are gonna have tons and tons of opportunities to meet gorgeous ladies that get so aroused by the thought of marriage that they’ll throw their inhibitions to the wind. And who’s gonna be there to catch them? Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal! What do you like better, Christmas or Wedding Season? Mr. Grey? Yes. The answer would be, um, Wedding Season?

Alright kind of a lame and overused intro to the post, but it really captures the excitement of this wonderful time of year.  With many friends getting married soon, I figured now would be an appropriate time for a Top 10 list.

It’s Wedding Season!  Alright…I’ll Stop.  But here is my list of the Top 10 Reasons weddings are so awesome.

1. Reuniting With Friends: Catching up with your buddies from college is great.  You go right back to freshman year.  You get to see who’s put on the most lbs.  And you get to relive the glory days with those who were there.  “Dude, do you remember that time in the hot tub with (insert freshman year slut here)?  So tits”.  Or, “Dude, do you remember that time you woke up cuddling a Shop Vac?  Even more tits”.

2. Music/Dancing: 50 white dudes dancing their hearts out to “Shout” in an alcohol induced stupor is a beautiful sight.  You can dance as terribly as you want and no one cares.  Not to mention the oodles of beautiful women dancing with you. Just give them a little twirl and your in like sin.  I’m not much of a dancer, but by God, I can do a nasty “Soljah Boy” at a wedding.

3. Girls: Probably the best part of wedding season.  All shapes, sizes, and colors of women dressed to kill.  If you are fortunate to be single, wedding season is like the opening of duck season.  Like the quote from “Wedding Crashers” states, these women really are super aroused by the thought of getting married.  It’s almost not fair.  Like shooting fish in a barrel.

4. Hotel Rooms:  Coupled with the amount of hotties, hotel rooms just add to the ease of picking up women at weddings.  Make a good connection?  Just head up three floors to the hotel room.  It can’t get much more convenient than that.  Just make sure you take care of business before the three other guys sharing the room with you come stumbling in.

5. Finger Food: Phenomenal finger food at that.  Free phenomenal finger food.  Mini sandwiches, meatballs, shrimp cocktails, it’s all golden.  Feel free to stuff in as much as you can.  You’re gonna need to fill that belly before you hit the open bar.  Just don’t fill it up too much, you don’t want to ralph on a girl while doing the “Soljah Boy”.

6. Open Bar: Sooooo tits.  The only thing better than free food is free beer.  And as much you can drink.  Let me reiterate just how incredible Wedding Season is.  Lots of women, hotel rooms, and an unlimited supply of alcohol and food.  Am I in heaven?  I believe so.

7. Destinations: Weddings are always better when you have to travel to get to them. It also ensures that there will be hotels rooms, which we have already gone over.  Feel free to explore a city you’ve never been to.  Check out the bar scene and the locals. Unless you happen to have a wedding in, say, Pulaski, Tennessee.  Don’t explore the locals there.

8. Pre-Wedding Get Together: In most cases there will be a “social” gathering the night before the wedding.  This usually occurs at the hotel bar.  It’s pretty much a pregame for the wedding.  Give your buddy as much shit as you can for getting married because in about 15 hours, you won’t be able to ever again.

9. Bachelor Parties: I don’t really need to go into detail with this one.  We ALL know just how amazing bachelor parties can be.  Instead I will provide the readers with this incredible movie quote:

Hello. How ’bout that ride in? I guess that’s why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack… it grew by one. So there… there were two of us in the wolf pack… I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, “Wait a second, could it be?” And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!

10. Watching a Buddy Get the Ole’ Ball and Chain: Cue taps.  Your friend is about to bite the dust.  Gone are the nights of staying up til 4 am.  Gone are the crazy party days.  But this is what it’s all about.  The reason for the season.

Your “Top Five Travel Hints” of the Week

May I interest you in any warm cookies?

Greetings from East Brunswick, NJ!  Hopefully that location tells you how exciting my destination is. New Jersey sucks.  Northern New Jersey, that is.  Southern New Jersey, around PA, is actually quiet nice and is the part that earned the state the nickname “Garden State”.  From what I can tell, there isn’t a garden within 10 f***ing miles of where I am sitting.

I am here to bring you the “Top Five Travel Hints” for this week but I will make local suggestions throughout these articles. I am also developing quite the list on UrbanSpoon (a website and favorite iPhone application) where I write reviews from various eateries.

Local suggestion: The Frog and Peach.
Located right in the heart of Downtown New Brunswick, this place is a pretty good spot.  I could especially see this being a date spot…too bad I couldn’t convince a girl to come to New Brunswick with me during the work week.  Pretty expensive but they do have a “Frugal Farmer” section where you get a 3 course meal for around $30. The chicken meatballs were all sorts of tits.  They also had a featured item – “Macaroni and Cheese with Aged Gouda”.  This wasn’t mom’s Kraft mac and cheese with hotdogs…but it’ll do.

Here are your TOP FIVE TRAVEL HINTS for this week:

1.)  Ask for an upgrade – More than likely it will be “unavailable”.  However, I have found that rarely you actually find someone who doesn’t hate their life and they will give you the hook up. The important thing here is; If you don’t ask, you will not receive. Last week, I asked and they hooked me up with a handicapped room with a super-badass bathroom and a shower so big I could have fit a lazy-boy in there.  A big bathroom is always a party plus.

2.)  Arrive to your lodging between 4:30-6ish – During this time the majority of hotels offer complimentary warm cookies. Enough said.

3.)  Ask your selected hotel if they have a “manager’s reception/happy hour” – Many hotels do not advertise this feature but you can find out with a quick phone call.  This is a period of time between 5-7pm where the hotel offers free beer/wine/appetizers for guests of the hotel.  Even if your not a guest, I would suggest going if you’re dressed business casual or more. Quick hint for Nashvillians: The Embassy Suites near Opry Mills has an exceptional ‘manager’s reception’ that includes liquor.

4.)  Ask the receptionist if the hotel partners with a local gym – This is easy enough. Most of the time hotels will have sub-par workout facilities and will partner with LA Fitness for free sessions if staying at the hotel. Great way to get out.

5.) Always check your AC unit AS SOON AS you enter your hotel room – If for some reason the AC in your room is f***ed up,  you will suffer greatly. Get that sort of issue resolved quickly.

~Any suggestions or travel hints of your own?  Please post!~