Tales From Truckers

16 05 2010

The next tale I would like to share with our readers involves being on the road for too long and eating a spicy Subway sandwich.  A deadly combination.

Alabama

It’s been a long 13 hours on the road and you’re hungry.  Pull over at the next truck stop and get a wholesome Subway sandwich.  While you’re at it load up with all the spicy stuff.  That will hold you over.

That was the mindset of the trucker that lived this story and it went a little something like this.

So I stopped at a truck stop in Alabama to get me a Subway sandwich.  Let me deviate from the story for just a minute to explain to our readers that we at Tennessee Before Daylight no way endorse the state of Alabama.  It is terrible.  Especially the school.  I digress.  I was feeling some spicy shit so I loaded it up with the works.  Mayo, mustard, oil, vinegar, jalapeños, and peppers.  All of the peppers.   I ate that somabitch, got back in the truck, and took off.  I’m cruising along and about ten miles down the road it hits me like an atom bomb.  I’m about to drop a load in the truck.  Since I have to sleep in here, that’s not gonna fly.  So, I’m pinching my corn hole, trying to make it to the next truck stop, and all of a sudden, it subsides.  A gift from God. One of the better feelings in life.  I decide to pull over to take care of business.  I don’t want that sneaking up on me again.  Well, I get to the truck stop, take one step out of the truck, and BOOM, out it comes.  This ain’t no rabbit shit either.  I’m talking full blown shit, right in my pants.  Praying that no one sees me and that another wave doesn’t hit me, I start waddling towards the bathroom.  My speed has diminished greatly due to the load in my pants.  I realize there’s no way I’m gonna make it.   So I cut hard towards the nearest dumpster, drop my drawls, and let loose.  And it just keeps coming and coming.  And I quote, “I shit ALL over Alabama.

Needless to say, this trucker doesn’t eat at Subway anymore.

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