If I Was a Woman

11 05 2010

There is only one thought running through my head…What if I woke up as a hot brawd? This thought has crossed my mind before but I’m really analyzing this question at the moment. If I were to wake up as a hot little blond with big tits and a fat ass, this would be my schedule for the day:

– 10:00 AM: Wake up to scratch my morning wood only to find I have no penis.
– 10:01 AM: Cry hysterically because my life has no meaning.
– 10:02 AM: Stop crying when I realize I have DD boobs and a vagina.
– 10:03 AM: Take in the situation and think to myself what I could do to make the best of this dilemma.
– 10:04 AM: Play with my boobs.
– 10:05 AM: Curious as to what all the fuss is about when it comes to multiple orgasms, I masturbate.
– 10:15 AM: Realizing what all the fuss is about, I masturbate 15 times consecutively.
– 11:30 AM: Hop in the shower.
– 11:35 AM: Press my boobs up against the shower door.
– 11:36 AM: Let out a really long and loud shower fart and laugh to myself because a girl just farted.
– 12:00 PM: Eat lunch.
– 12:05 PM: Feeling bloated, I decide to test a theory that has been proven by such scientists as Newton, Einstein, and Darwin: Girls don’t poop.
– 12:06 PM: Attempt to blast a shit out to see if girls really don’t poop.
– 12:10 PM: Wish I had not tested this theory when I realize that girls actually can poop.
– 12:11 PM: Shiver in disgust.
– 12:12 PM: Tweak my nipples.
– 12:15 PM: Thank god I am not on the rag…talk about ruining a once in a life time opportunity.
– 12:30 PM: Get dressed to go out and show off my new found body.
– 12:35 PM: Realizing that I only have dude clothes in my closet, I put on a t-shirt and jeans and prepare to go to the mall.
– 12:40 PM: Masturbate twice.
– 1:30 PM: Arrive at the mall and head for Victoria Secret to get some sexy lingerie.
– 1:45 PM: Realizing that I have no idea what I’m doing, I ask a hot brunette to help me out.
– 2:00PM: She enters the dressing room with me while I’m trying on a bra and I realize that I would have a raging hard on if I was still a dude at the thought of this situation.
– 2:05 PM: Tell the brunette that I have fake boobs and ask if she would like to feel them.
– 2:06 PM: She accepts and I immediately put this image in the spank bank for use when I go back to being a dude.
– 3:00 PM: Go back home with a new wardrobe.
– 3:01 PM: Feel kind of gay for buying a new wardrobe, but override this thought when I look at my boobs.
– 3:02 PM: Bounce up and down to watch my boobs jiggle…amazing.
– 4:00 PM: Arrive home and immediately strip down.
– 4:05 PM: Take pictures of my bangin’ body for documentation.
– 4:06 PM: Wonder if it will be creepy to masturbate to the pictures when I turn back into a guy.
– 4:07 PM: Squeeze my boobs and realize, absolutely not.
– 4:30 PM: Cry.
– 4:35 PM: Can’t stop crying.
– 4:40 PM: Realize that it must be female nature to cry about everything.
– 4:45 PM: Masturbate.
– 5:00 PM: Miss my penis.
– 5:01 PM: Cry.
– 5:02 PM: Fart and laugh again.
– 5:30 PM: Eat dinner.
– 5:45 PM: Feeling bloated, but don’t dare test scientific theories again.
– 6:00 PM: Decide that tonight I am going to have a lesbian encounter.
– 6:01 PM: Really miss my penis at the thought of this.
– 6:02 PM: Shake my boobs around and feel better.
– 7:00 PM: Put on my new dress which shows off my flawless tits and look in the mirror:
– 7:01 PM: Damn I look good.
– 7:02 PM: Play with boobs.
– 8:00 PM: Head to a lesbian bar.
– 8:10 PM: Get in a car accident on the way, realize this is because I am a woman.
– 8:15 PM: Man that I hit is furious, show him my boobs and he calms down.
– 8:16 PM: He hits on me and I quickly realize how gay this situation is and leave.
– 9:00 PM: Get to the bar.
– 9:30 PM: Find two of the hottest lesbians.
– 10:00 PM: They buy me drinks because I am so hot.
– 10:01 PM: Think to myself how awesome it is to never have to pay for a drink.
– 10:02 PM: Remember that I can’t drive because I am a woman, and realize that these two balance each other out.
– 12:00 AM: Take two hot lesbians home for a threesome.
– 12:30 AM: Video tape everything, for documentation of course.
– 1:00 AM: One of them pulls out a dildo at tries to put it in my ass.
– 1:01 AM: Give her the dolphin, remembering that my ass will soon be a dude’s.
– 2:00 AM: Lesbians leave.
– 2:01 AM: Play with my boobs.
– 2:10 AM: Fall asleep.
– 10:00 AM: Wake up with morning wood and attempt to hug my penis because I missed it so much.
– 10:01 AM: Fart.
– 10:02 AM: Laugh and realize farts are funny no matter what.
– 10: 03 AM: Glad I am a dude again.
– Next Two Days: Don’t leave house with due to videos, pictures, and spank bank material accumulated from the previous day.

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